my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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