Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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