If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
