Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
