You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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