Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
