You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it was like eating out sand paper
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
