So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
