the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
