i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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