Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
