I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
home. puking in laundry basket.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
