At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
