We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
