Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
