how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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