Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
barbara walters just said penis...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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