this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
