I showed him my bush... on skype.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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