i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
