I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Randomize
