his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So. Much. Porn.
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