i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
