Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
