ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
