is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
