Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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