Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I said "one day" and that day is not today
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
