there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
