your room smells of hookers.
And success
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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