My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
