Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
