The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
