How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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