we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This is the prime rib incident all over again
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
