Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
