theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
