And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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