im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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