I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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