I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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