I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
