actually, I'm a sock model
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Watching her eat just hurts me
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
