I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
