I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Those nachos came to me in a dream
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
