how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
