She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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