You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
