it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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