Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
