i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
