By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
